it’s like level in game, that you walked through many years, and now stucked at some STUPID place so that you can overrun it and you trying and trying but can’t just fucking can’t pass this point and than main hero of the game understand that she\he can’t take it anymore, so she\he coming out from TV and throwing all the game and sony playstation with full power, so it flyes into wall and smashing into peaces and after that you start crying and trying to collect all the peaces and glue them – but it’s fucking toooooooo late – now it’s just fucking peaces and you coming to HORROR conclution that you’ll never finish this game, that you have played it so much time, spend on it all your strenght and life and now it’s a just a peace of damn crap and all that you can gain – is photo where there smile on your face you playing this game and your life is so good. and then you returning to future..to NOW. to life that you have to live. fucking GAME! it’s just a fucking game but it was a reason of someone’s life and now it’s a trash. and everyone tells that you need to go on, to start new life, but they don’t played this game – they don’t know anything about my life. teyr’e just live, just continue and moving on. they don’t know what is to value something that was your reason of life. maybe it’s a tree maybe it’s a cat, maybe it’s a game, maybe it’s a human – it realy doesen’t matter. when you lose someone once – you can try to go on and as time passing – you forgoting your pain, but when you losing reason of life twice, AGAIN, your best friend dies, other friends that you had betrayng you, – you starting to understand than that your’e left alone in whole world, you starting to be scared and trying to not be close with anyone no more. but time goes by and you growing – and you falling in love, in first time. now this human became your only friend, your lover, your brother and sister, your mother and helper in hard times. that’s what you thinked – AND YOU WERE WRONG. no one cares about you and never was, but you so scared to lose again that your brain just can’t imagine this, just refuse to understand that, she leave you when she need and she doesn’t care what you feel. and she leaves you. and now you completely alone. COMPLETELY. only friend, lover, native human – everything in one human – that what you thinking, well she’s NOT and now this human saying that you are stranger, you cost nothing to her. and she says “don’t worry – you’l find someone else”, but i don’t need someone else – how can i find some stranger that is already native to me? it’s impossible – the only native person became stranger and now you on your own.. and then you asking god “god! WTF! WTfreakingF?? why me?” or something like that and rest of your life you will never fall in love again, because now you learn – there no one on this planet in need of you. final conlution – now you understand – you not a stranger for some single human – your’e stranger for whole world. and this is good lesson. and when you dying – noone knows that, noone remember your face. your’e lost. lost in time. your ash is only thing that you gain in this life. and this is good. i like to be like that. i like to be stranger. i like my destiny.
04 October 2009 22:41
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